Our First Meeting!

We did it!  We finally gathered for the first Tulare County Atheists meeting.  We talked about many things.  Such as Douglas Adams, Vegetarianism (which I just can’t do, I loves my bacon!), the Catholic Church, Evolution, Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, door-to-door proselytizing Christians, drinking, various web resources and we talked about atheism for a couple minutes too!  The next meeting will be Saturday, July 19 at 7pm.  I’m not entirely sure if we’ll still hold it at Blain Park as it will depend on the weather.  Meetings will henceforth be held on the third Saturday of every month.  Here are some pictures taken at what was, so far, the largest gathering of atheists in Tulare County ever!

From Left: Myself, Richard, Shawn and Donna

Behind the camera is the mystery atheist.

As above, so below.

By the way, that’s not redeye, our eyes look like that because we’re godless heathens without souls.

www.TulareCountyAtheists.com!

I own it now! I finally got around to registering the domain name tularecountyatheists.com. I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, but finally got around to it with some of the money for my birthday. For now I will keep the blog as the main page, but I am looking around to get a good deal on web hosting so I can have a more rounded out page. I will no longer post my “What’s Wrong With the Bible?” posts here as I want it to be more about the group and our activities and news. I will continue to post them on my MySpace page. The link is right over there on the right. I have scaled them back to 5 per week as opposed to one per day. It was becoming too time-consuming and was taking up a good chunk of my down-time in researching and writing. I am currently trying to get real-world meetings set up. I have decided on either Saturday or Sunday for the day and possibly Borders in Visalia for the location, but I do need input on times. If you are an atheist in the Tulare County area and are interested in meeting other like-minded atheists then drop me a line at tularecountyatheists@clearwire.net.

Starbix

“Don’t Panic.” -Douglas Adams

What’s Wrong With The Bible? 4/29/08 -Do The Biblical Genealogy Bop!

Let’s have a little fun today.  We’re going to get to know the extended family of Jesus.  Let’s start with Matthew 1:1-16:
“1A record of the genealogy of Jesus Christ the son of David, the son of Abraham:
2Abraham was the father of Isaac,
Isaac the father of Jacob,
Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers,
3Judah the father of Perez and Zerah, whose mother was Tamar,
Perez the father of Hezron,
Hezron the father of Ram,
4Ram the father of Amminadab,
Amminadab the father of Nahshon,
Nahshon the father of Salmon,
5Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab,
Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth,
Obed the father of Jesse,
6and Jesse the father of King David.
David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah’s wife,
7Solomon the father of Rehoboam,
Rehoboam the father of Abijah,
Abijah the father of Asa,
8Asa the father of Jehoshaphat,
Jehoshaphat the father of Jehoram,
Jehoram the father of Uzziah,
9Uzziah the father of Jotham,
Jotham the father of Ahaz,
Ahaz the father of Hezekiah,
10Hezekiah the father of Manasseh,
Manasseh the father of Amon,
Amon the father of Josiah,
11and Josiah the father of Jeconiah and his brothers at the time of the exile to Babylon.
12After the exile to Babylon:
Jeconiah was the father of Shealtiel,
Shealtiel the father of Zerubbabel,
13Zerubbabel the father of Abiud,
Abiud the father of Eliakim,
Eliakim the father of Azor,
14Azor the father of Zadok,
Zadok the father of Akim,
Akim the father of Eliud,
15Eliud the father of Eleazar,
Eleazar the father of Matthan,
Matthan the father of Jacob,
16and Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ.”

Not to be out done Luke 3:23-37 decides to switch it up a bit and not only go all the way back to Adam but he also throws in a few extra generations and, to spice things up, does it in reverse order!
“23Now Jesus himself was about thirty years old when he began his ministry. He was the son, so it was thought, of Joseph,
the son of Heli, 24the son of Matthat,
the son of Levi, the son of Melki,
the son of Jannai, the son of Joseph,
25the son of Mattathias, the son of Amos,
the son of Nahum, the son of Esli,
the son of Naggai, 26the son of Maath,
the son of Mattathias, the son of Semein,
the son of Josech, the son of Joda,
27the son of Joanan, the son of Rhesa,
the son of Zerubbabel, the son of Shealtiel,
the son of Neri, 28the son of Melki,
the son of Addi, the son of Cosam,
the son of Elmadam, the son of Er,
29the son of Joshua, the son of Eliezer,
the son of Jorim, the son of Matthat,
the son of Levi, 30the son of Simeon,
the son of Judah, the son of Joseph,
the son of Jonam, the son of Eliakim,
31the son of Melea, the son of Menna,
the son of Mattatha, the son of Nathan,
the son of David, 32the son of Jesse,
the son of Obed, the son of Boaz,
the son of Salmon,[d] the son of Nahshon,
33the son of Amminadab, the son of Ram,[e]
the son of Hezron, the son of Perez,
the son of Judah, 34the son of Jacob,
the son of Isaac, the son of Abraham,
the son of Terah, the son of Nahor,
35the son of Serug, the son of Reu,
the son of Peleg, the son of Eber,
the son of Shelah, 36the son of Cainan,
the son of Arphaxad, the son of Shem,
the son of Noah, the son of Lamech,
37the son of Methuselah, the son of Enoch,
the son of Jared, the son of Mahalalel,
the son of Kenan, 38the son of Enosh,
the son of Seth, the son of Adam,
the son of God.”

And Luke sticks the landing!  The judges give him 10 out of 10!  But wait, there seems to be a disturbance in the judges’ booth.  A biblical scholar has entered and is conferring with the Judges.  Oh, and they take away all points on the grounds of 1 Timothy 1:4:
“4Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do.”

Personally, the sport I was picturing in my head was Olympic Floor Exercises.

Starbix
“Don’t Panic.” -Douglas Adams

What’s Wrong With The Bible? 4/28/08 -A Test of Faith

It’s time to see just how faithful Christians are.  Let’s look at what the Bible says about true believers.
Mark 16:17:
“17And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues;”

Ok, let’s grant them the fact that many Christians do “exorcise demons” and “speak in tongues”.  So they’re doing ok so far.  Let’s continue.
Mark 16:18:
“18they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”"

Hmmm, now that’s interesting.  I wonder how many Christians are willing to play with poisonous snakes and drink poison.  I say next time you go by a church you throw some cobras at them or put strychnine in the sacramental wine.  That’d be a great way to weed out the doubters and see who the true believers are.  Who’s with me?

Starbix
“Don’t Panic.” -Douglas Adams

What’s Wrong With The Bible? 4/26/08 -Stop! Hammer Time!

Ok, today we’re going to look at one of God’s very special ladies: Jael.  Why is she so special to God?  Let’s see.
Judges 4:17-21:
“17Howbeit Sisera fled away on his feet to the tent of Jael the wife of Heber the Kenite: for there was peace between Jabin the king of Hazor and the house of Heber the Kenite.

18And Jael went out to meet Sisera, and said unto him, Turn in, my lord, turn in to me; fear not. And when he had turned in unto her into the tent, she covered him with a mantle.

19And he said unto her, Give me, I pray thee, a little water to drink; for I am thirsty. And she opened a bottle of milk, and gave him drink, and covered him.

20Again he said unto her, Stand in the door of the tent, and it shall be, when any man doth come and enquire of thee, and say, Is there any man here? that thou shalt say, No.

21Then Jael Heber’s wife took a nail of the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground: for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died.”

That’s right folks, she drove a tent spike through his head!  She hid him, gave him something to drink, let him take a nap and then drove a fucking spike through his head!  This guy who, according to the Bible, was an ally of her husband gets a spike through the head instead of a safe place to hide.  But wait, I think I know the reason.  Let’s look at Judges 4:13:

“13And Sisera gathered together all his chariots, even nine hundred chariots of iron, and all the people that were with him, from Harosheth of the Gentiles unto the river of Kishon.”

There it is!  That’s why God had the wife of an ally kill this guy.  God couldn’t do it.  They had exploited his weakness.  It all makes sense now.

Starbix
“Don’t Panic.” -Douglas Adams

What’s Wrong With The Bible? 4/25/08 -God Hates Kids.

Let’s talk about how much God hates kids.  Now, I know that Jesus said “Suffer the little children.”, but that’s just one line compared to all the hostility his dad endorsed.  Let’s read.
Proverbs 22:15:
“15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”

Just beat the folly out of him.

Proverbs 23:13-14:
“13Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.”

It’s okay to beat your child within an inch of his life.  You’re saving him from Hell!

Exodus 21:17:
“17And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.”

Who hasn’t told their parents “I hate you!”?  Well, you all deserve to die!

Judges 11:30-39:
“30And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands,

31Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD’s, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering.

32So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon to fight against them; and the LORD delivered them into his hands.

33And he smote them from Aroer, even till thou come to Minnith, even twenty cities, and unto the plain of the vineyards, with a very great slaughter. Thus the children of Ammon were subdued before the children of Israel.

34And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: and she was his only child; beside her he had neither son nor daughter.

35And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he rent his clothes, and said, Alas, my daughter! thou hast brought me very low, and thou art one of them that trouble me: for I have opened my mouth unto the LORD, and I cannot go back.

36And she said unto him, My father, if thou hast opened thy mouth unto the LORD, do to me according to that which hath proceeded out of thy mouth; forasmuch as the LORD hath taken vengeance for thee of thine enemies, even of the children of Ammon.

37And she said unto her father, Let this thing be done for me: let me alone two months, that I may go up and down upon the mountains, and bewail my virginity, I and my fellows.

38And he said, Go. And he sent her away for two months: and she went with her companions, and bewailed her virginity upon the mountains.

39And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed: and she knew no man. And it was a custom in Israel,”

Yep, God wants your daughters as virgin sacrifices.  They have to be virgins, ’cause God don’t want no dirty girls.  But remember, Jesus loves the little children.  And so does your local priest.

Starbix
“Don’t Panic.” -Douglas Adams

What’s Wrong With The Bible? 4/24/08 -Do NOT Make Fun of Bald Christians!

Cause God’ll fuck you up!  Just read 2nd Kings 2:23-24:
“23And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

24And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.”

Wow, God sure is hard-core.  These little children made fun of  his good buddy Elisha’s receding hairline and God sends not just one, but TWO goddamn bears to rip 42 children to pieces!  I’m sure they had it coming to them.  I mean, what kind of loving God wouldn’t send to giant furry killing machines to eviscerate a bunch of little kids for making fun of someone who is follicly-challenged.  I can’t count how many times I had wished for God to send a couple of bengal tigers to bite the heads off some guys who called me fat in high school.  You know, with all these religious groups wanting to insert God into schools, I think we need to stop worrying about school shootings and start worrying about school maulings.

Starbix
“Don’t Panic.” -Douglas Adams

What’s Wrong With The Bible? 4/23/08 -Now He’s Just Talking Out Of His Ass.

Alright, this time we’re going to look at a particularly absurd moment in the Old Testament.  Let’s just dive right in.
Numbers 22:28-30:
“28And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?

29And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.

30And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? and he said, Nay.”

Ok, I’m just gonna say it: He’s having a conversation with a fucking donkey!  As if we needed any more of a reason to think that the Bible was just a bunch of fairy tales.  Now, most people would probably freak out when a donkey starts talking to them.  Not this guy, though.  No, he doesn’t even miss a beat and proceeds to threaten to kill the donkey.  I’m just wondering when we’re going to see a plucky young bunny and his dopey but lovable pig sidekick break out into song.

Starbix
“Don’t Panic.” -Douglas Adams

Atheist Experience for 4/20/08

What’s Wrong With The Bible? 4/22/08 -God Don’t Know Geometry.

Ok, in honor of Earth Day we’ll be looking at what the Bible says about this pale blue dot we call home.  Let’s start with Isaiah 11:12:
“12And he shall set up an ensign for the nations, and shall assemble the outcasts of Israel, and gather together the dispersed of Judah from the four corners of the earth.”

Four corners?  Now, I’ve been out of high school for almost ten years, but I’m pretty sure that a globe has no corners being all non-angular and all.  Must be a misprint.  I’m sure it won’t happen again.  Let’s read on.
Daniel 4:11:
“11 The tree grew large and strong and its top touched the sky; it was visible to the ends of the earth.”

I thought we already established that, being a globe, the Earth has no corners or angles and so it can’t have an end, much less multiple ends.  I’m sure this is all because it’s Old Testament.  That was the old days, the New Testament is new and smarter and hipper.  Let’s hear from one of my personal books of the Bible: Revelation 7:1:
“1And after these things I saw four angels standing on the four corners of the earth, holding the four winds of the earth, that the wind should not blow on the earth, nor on the sea, nor on any tree.”

The four corners thing again?  Really?  You’d think that someone as omniscient as God is would notice that the earth is, indeed, a globe and not some kind of quadrilateral shape.  You’d think a if a book that supposedly has his approval had these kind of egregious errors in it he’d say “Hang on a minute!” and give his people the truth instead of letting them wallow in their ignorance.  But, I guess that’s one thing the Christian God is good at.

Starbix
“Don’t Panic.” -Douglas Adams