What’s Wrong With The Bible? 4/25/08 -God Hates Kids.
Let’s talk about how much God hates kids. Now, I know that Jesus said “Suffer the little children.”, but that’s just one line compared to all the hostility his dad endorsed. Let’s read.
Proverbs 22:15:
“15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”
Just beat the folly out of him.
Proverbs 23:13-14:
“13Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.”
It’s okay to beat your child within an inch of his life. You’re saving him from Hell!
Exodus 21:17:
“17And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.”
Who hasn’t told their parents “I hate you!”? Well, you all deserve to die!
Judges 11:30-39:
“30And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands,
31Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD’s, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering.
32So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon to fight against them; and the LORD delivered them into his hands.
33And he smote them from Aroer, even till thou come to Minnith, even twenty cities, and unto the plain of the vineyards, with a very great slaughter. Thus the children of Ammon were subdued before the children of Israel.
34And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: and she was his only child; beside her he had neither son nor daughter.
35And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he rent his clothes, and said, Alas, my daughter! thou hast brought me very low, and thou art one of them that trouble me: for I have opened my mouth unto the LORD, and I cannot go back.
36And she said unto him, My father, if thou hast opened thy mouth unto the LORD, do to me according to that which hath proceeded out of thy mouth; forasmuch as the LORD hath taken vengeance for thee of thine enemies, even of the children of Ammon.
37And she said unto her father, Let this thing be done for me: let me alone two months, that I may go up and down upon the mountains, and bewail my virginity, I and my fellows.
38And he said, Go. And he sent her away for two months: and she went with her companions, and bewailed her virginity upon the mountains.
39And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed: and she knew no man. And it was a custom in Israel,”
Yep, God wants your daughters as virgin sacrifices. They have to be virgins, ’cause God don’t want no dirty girls. But remember, Jesus loves the little children. And so does your local priest.
Starbix
“Don’t Panic.” -Douglas Adams
